The title says it all really. After God knows how long of unintended celibacy, I finally broke it.

Yeah, it was with an ex. But it was everything I needed it to be - fun, emotionless and hit all the right spots. Literally. But I am now a grown and independent person and know that you can only allow a person that has hurt you back into your life a certain amount of times and guess what? He's had plenty of chances. A confirmation of what I've always known - in every relationship, I have worn the pants. #beyoncemuch

My problem now is that I still want to eat fried chicken! This time from Roscoe's Chicken n Waffles.
Pretty sure Russell Brand ripped Jeremy Paxman a new asshole! I was kind of fabulous!

Here's a puzzle if I ever saw one: does it make me a fool if I go have a sleepover with my ex? And if by chance we had a little lights off action, do I win or does he?

Why are relationships so hard to maintain. I'm not just talking about love-life relationships, but all sorts - family, friends, colleagues. So much back and forth, bitching and fucking with the mind! Like the girl from mean girls says:  "I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...". I guess the reality is just as harsh as Damien's reply.

Side note, I'm reallllllllyyy craving fried chicken and waffles from Sweet Chick!
I caught up with my besties last night - God, it was good a good catch up. I then came home to have a maje discussion with my parents about saving for the future and what I wanted to do in life.

Honestly, over the years, I learnt to put up a wall when my parents started talking about things like this. At first I just thought it was because they were annoying (typical 15 year old). But as I've gotten older, I've realised that wall isn't there because I think they're annoying, it's because I actually don't know what my future holds and in some ways am afraid of it.

Having gone through all the shit my head allows it to go through, I've realised that there is ONE major uncertainty in life - I may not wake up tomorrow. Yes, I know how bleak that sounds for 9am on a Saturday but that is the truth! I've tried one too many times to end my own life to be certain that tomorrow will come. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely learnt that there is more to life and blah, blah, blah BUT how many people in the world can tell me that they are certain that they will be here in the next 10 years or 5 months or 2 weeks or even tomorrow, to see their hard earned dollars placed in homes, investments, material possessions.

Is it wrong that I live by the saying: 'live for today'? Quotes like this get thrown around like crazy to sound cool and be individual but how many people out there actually live this way? Is it wrong that I earn my money, then spend my money the way that I want to spend it, rather then saving for a rainy day or a house? 

I used to be such a snob a judge those who don't travel when they can or don't spoil themselves on the odd occasion because they are saving to buy a house BUT I've realised that judging these people is wrong because like myself, we are ALL different and have different priorities. Some people prioritise settling down over seeing the world. I on the other hand prioritise seeing the world. I don't have any major responsibilities, I don't have a loan, I don't own a house so why should I be judged for saving a few grand and buying a fuck off bag or travelling to New York? Does spending my hard earned dollar the way that I want to spend it make me a bad person? I think not.

To end my rant on a good note, I made an amazing white chocolate and coconut cake yesterday. It tasted like Raffaello and it was amazing if I do say so myself.

So you know when you sit down and realise that about 4 minutes ago, something strange just happened? I had one of those moments the other night.

After catching up with  my ultimate bestie, I realised how little 'best friends' I have. Now, what really constitutes as a great friend is someone who is ALWAYS there for you, someone whose opinion you highly value, someone that makes you laugh, someone you can laugh with, someone to bitch with and someone who you are always thinking about. 

It only took me 2 seconds to then realise how amazing my best friends are. Though there may not be many of them, they are all of the above plus more. They are the people I can always call upon and not feel guilty about it and most importantly, they make me feel loved and appreciated.

The perfect example of quality over quantity. Now, off to roast a chicken, bake a cake and sort out my wardrobe for complete summer looks.

EATS: Home cooking.
SHOPS: Nothing maje. 
MOOD/FEELING: Appreciative.

Yeah, it's taken me a few weeks to come up with the perfect diary entry.  Turns out I'm sitting here without anything to say. So.. why not reflect? I haven't really found the motivation to write in here for a few reasons: I've had a flock of friends coming and going and when I have found a spare moment for myself, I've indulged in some bad/good food and my current novel. 

To me, a diary should be a place that you go to to put down what inside; ideas, thoughts and just general happenings. I guess I haven't really done much strenuous thinking as of late as I haven't really been focused on me. Instead, I've been enjoying my time, travelling and taking in my once unfamiliar surroundings and turning them into home. Is that a crime? To just enjoy the moment? Funnily enough, all this time travelling around and spending quality time with friends has really shown me my true loves and what is really important to me. I believe that we are defined by what is most important to us, whether it be family, friends, a job, possessions or a combinations of them all. Not all those things are great to be defined by but the truth is at some point, we become a victim/successor of those things. 

As fucked up as they can be, I love my family. I have found my close friends, I love shopping and love 80% of my wardrobe so now just the job. I have found my passion(s) in life so now the plan is to turn them into a career. People know me as 'fashion' but I'm not feeling that description; well not entirely anyway. Once I've done my research and put down a plan, I'll let you know. For now, know that I'm doing nothing but enjoying now.