Every night, I would spend 20 minutes going through images on-line; art photography, fashion editorials, historic images and so on. I would do this to stimulate the right side of my brain and to be inspired. My process is: Google>Search>Right-click>Save. I haven't done this in over a month.

Just a few minutes ago, I did it. It felt weird but I did it and strangely deep down, I kind of had a moment. I'm not quite sure what that moment was but it felt different. I still have no idea the direction I am supposed to go in life. I've been reading about omens the last few days. For those who don't know what an omen is, it is a prophetic sign. For those who don't know what a prophetic sign, Google it. Now, I'm not one for spirits or guardian angels BUT I do believe in karma, that we feed of the vibes of others whether it is good or bad and I also believe in omens. 

So my question is this: How many omens does it take to confirm that what you are doing is right or wrong for you?
 
 
EATS: Special K, cocktails, beer, Manly burger, sweet potato fries, onion rings and an ice cream sandwich from Umami burger.
SHOPS: None.
MOOD: Blah.

I feel blah but seeing as I made a vow to write something every day, I'm determined to follow through because about 50% of my life, I have never followed through. (I totally tried to make that dirty just then and it most likely worked you sicko)

Sunday was perfect minus the popped blister on my right foot but Sunday is always the perfect day of a rooftop party at the Empire Hotel with my babe Jessie.

Caught up with some old friends and made lots of new friends, including the beautiful Jasmin from Friend in Fashion and her lovely husband Tim. being amongst a thousand wankers, it was so refreshing to sit down and have a chat with modern normalcy. I must admit, meeting Jasmin and her husband was a little bit intimidating - you have a girl and a guy, both highly successful, she has a blog that generates 100s and 1000s of followers and both shit hot, you'd be crazy not to be intimidated. HOWEVER, they are without a doubt the most genuine, down to earth people who in the space of a few hours, became the friends you feel you've had your whole life. Chatting to them all afternoon was like having a glass of sangria on a warm night - refreshing and delicious! And did I mention how shit hot they are? #notfair

Spending hours surrounded by hot people requires a burger break - standard. As part of my 'Best burger in NY' list, we hit up Umami Burger in Greenwich. Not much can be said about Umami except for #epic. Without a doubt the best burger I've had to date. Service was perfect and the burger basically gave me eyes as soon as it hit the table. I ordered 'The Manly' burger - a combination of beer cheddar cheese, smoked-salt onion strings, bacon and of course a perfectly cooked 16oz patty. That's all I'll say and that you must go eat there! And as a little quick 'unofficial' birthday celebration, I decided to stick a candle in the ice cream sandwich to wish my beautiful friend a happy birthday!

Regardless of how you feel, where you are or the struggle you may or may not be facing, there is always time for a burger.

'When I'm eating, that's all I think about. When I'm marching, I just concentrate on marching... Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man... Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living right now.' - Camel driver, The Alchemist.
 
 
EATS: Burger and fries, roast chicken and vegies, chicken curry from my local asian place, a blondie from babycakes and lots of beer and water.
SHOPS: Black blazer from Helmut Lang.
MOOD: Relaxed.

Okay, so I've been a little busy the last 2 days and wasn't able to write anything on here - NYFW knows hectic.

So finally with some down time, I've picked up all my dirty laundry off the floor, popped on my gym gear and come down to the laundromat to do some laundry and empty my thoughts over a book and beer.
Picture
The last 2 days have been full of running around the west side, from Lincoln Centre through to Chelsea and back with my partner in crime Jessie. 

I've loved it so far - getting up and personal with the industries finest, seeing the up and coming trends for next year. This is what I love, I love fashion week. I love the pace and being constantly on a mission. It's definitely soothing to the mind and helping with the exercise too.

I'm finally starting to feel myself again. But I still wonder, what is out there for me? I spend my whole day in fashion mode and come home to watch the cooking channel. Who am I?

New York has been so good for me. Not only have a lost myself in this city but I've also learned that in the heart of this concrete jungle, I know I will be able to find myself again. 

'Everything on earth is being continuously transformed because the earth is alive ... it has a soul. We are part of that soul so we rarely recognise that it is working for us' - The Alchemist.

That struck a chord with me. After having lost myself countless times over my teenage life and early adulthood, I've realised that it will constantly happen until the day comes, when I have accomplished every dream that I've ever had and experienced everything it is I want to experience. Which in reality will never happen because life can't go on if you're not constantly dreaming of something better... or can it?
 
 
EATS: Champagne, Burger, fries and ice-cream from Shake Shack, more champagne, canapes and more champagne.
SHOPS: None.
MOOD: Chilled

Just to clarify for those people asking, YES, I have been here for more than 5 days.. it's technically been over a month since I left Australia. #yikes

Anyway, here's an unexpected quote *insert sarcasm here*
"Every year the women of New York leave the past behind and look forward to the future... this is known as Fashion Week."

And with that, begins the short rants on New York Fashion Week. A week where hundreds attend, yet all you see on street style posts are of the minor elite who have thousands if not millions to spend on clothing while the rest of us plebs try and make do. Some not even bothering. YES! I'm talking about you, the lady who attended the show this morning wearing a denim skirt, t-shirt tucked in and.. BALLET FLATS?! #wtf

That said, let me make this very clear: style is not about the labels you wear, but what you do with the clothing you have. HOWEVER, if you are going to attend one of the most prestigious events of the year and only have ballet flats to wear, I would say you need Jesus.

All my rants aside, today was fabulous! Not only did I get to roam the streets in my quadrupole denim outfit and be photographed by some 'freaks on the street', I also got to meet some lovely people, talented designers, chill with some sexy boys and hang out with my new 'sister from another mister' Jessie! I'm so grateful to her because having her around is like having a piece of home with me everywhere..

So much so that for the first time in a long time, over a burger in Madison Square Park, I opened up about my walls that keep me guarded. Moments after I had finished my story, it made me realise that I am normal and the moments of heartache and moments being down are completely fine having allowed a fool into my life. Funny that - you get fucked over, you become a stronger person, but down the track, you'll never forget how you got fucked over and you're still fucked. Meh, too much fashion to talk about how fucked I am.

Now, what to wear tomorrow? #firstworldproblems
 
 
EATS: Chicken sandwich with fries, frozen margaritas, chicken, biscuit and mac'n'cheese, kale, mushroom, orange and tofu salad, countless beer.
SHOPS: Kate Spade clutch
MOOD: Giddly.

For the first time, in a long time, I felt like me. I came alive.

For a short while, my cares were thrown away with the arrival of a new/old friend. I say 'new/old' because we had never formally met before but for the last few months and known of each other and had known that we would both be in NY at the same time. We did drinks, we ate fried chicken and we had a good laugh. I also got to have a good bitch about my hates of the city. Don't get me wrong, I love this city but seeing as I have been feeling very misguided and lost the past 2 weeks, something obviously went down. 

John Casablacas sadly passed away today; in short, he is responsible for the careers of legends like Gisele Bundchen and Naomi Campbell. In his final interview, a particular line really struck accord with me.

"I endeavored to live a life that reminded everyone that, even when you run your business professionally, fashion should be about fun, superficiality and sensuality, and not to be taken as seriously as some tend to do.” 

Yeah it's about fashion but swap the word 'fashion' with 'life' and these are definitely words to live by, period.

Even though I know I'm going to miss out on a shitload of episodes of Unique Eats and Donut Wars, I'm making a vow to stop feeling sorry for myself, leave the apartment and make a big bang in the city! I still have no idea where I want to go in life and in my career BUT I know that New York is way too much of an epic city to stay indoors.

As the fabulous and legendary Cher sings: 
'Torn up, busted, taken apart
I've been broken down
Left with a broken heart
But I'm stronger
Strong enough to rise above'

Well speaking of Cher, here is my new lip-sync to her new fabulous song, Woman's World.
#carriewannabe #carriebecomescherforonenightonly
 
 
EATS: Toast, Hill's country chicken, fruit salad, grilled chicken and kale salad.
SHOPS: Polaroid camera and phone credit
MOOD: Determined.

So it turns out, I'm more scattered than a middle-aged lady about to hit menopause.

I made the trek to West 34 and 9th to visit the renowned B&H Photography store. I walked in with a plan to buy an old film camera to take experimental photos on. Two seconds after walking in, I'm presented with every flashy camera under the sun. Three seconds later, I change my mind about the camera. Of course under unnecessary pressure from no one, I panic. 

I was then taken out on a second date to lunch. It was perfect - fried chicken and a biscuit. We left the restaurant, started walking until I had realised we had walked 20 blocks and coincidently ended right outside their apartment. Being the lovely person that they are, I was invited up. Three seconds after walking in, we were playing tongue wars. Two seconds after they took their top came off, I looked at perfection and then I changed my mind, made a lame excuse and ran; I panicked.

This got me thinking, everyone has some sort of plan or idea as to how things should be. However, when presented with a wider and better selection at the last second, is it normal to panic over the possible change? I guess to avoid panic,  it's important to 'roll with the punches'. Mind you, if I eat any more fried chicken, I will literally be swallowing peoples punches in my rolls.

Now that I've made my decision to 'find myself', I must admit, a terrible weight has been lifted off my shoulder BUT I still end today with a little disappointment because I feel like I made no major changes. I guess this is another example of 'unnecessary pressure from no one'. A friend sent me a beautiful quote today saying: 'Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first'. I guess I just need to learn to open my little Asian eyes to the reality of life and the possibilities of change. Afterall, that's what I want, right?

Needless to say, I left today with a rad Polaroid camera and a third date.
 
 
EATS: Cheerios, Caesar salad, chicken and kale salad and vegetable chips.
SHOPS: None.
MOOD: Irritated; only from the heat.
Today I strolled through Central Park, had a little picnic under the sun, then walked to Barneys, bought myself a beautiful Balmain coat. Then got picked up by my driver who drove me over to Butter for dinner and drinks..
What a crock of shit!!
I did nothing today. I stayed home like a good boy and rested up after my dramatic turn of events yesterday. Turns out, passing out of 5th Avenue isn't the new black. Instead, I flicked through a mild selection of trash tv, cooking shows and the occasional movie.In between all of today's activities, I made an epic Caesar salad for lunch and a chicken and kale salad for dinner. 

Tomorrow is a new day.

'Don’t worry about being worried. You’re heading out on an adventure and you can always change your mind along the way and try something else.'
 
 
I first came to this city in 2011. I fell in love with this city about 16 hours into my trip. I fell out of love with this city never. I arrived with money, an appetite to eat everything and a urge to shop. Little did I realise that I would leave the city with a plan to change my life.
'There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered'
- Nelson Mandela

This time around I'm older, not much wiser and still with the appetite to eat everything and the urge to shop everywhere. The only difference this time is I have come with a plan; a plan to discover at least a part of who I am and what I want to do with my wonderfully whacky and whimsical life. This time around, I've decided to put all my thoughts onto paper, so to speak. This isn't your typical fashion blog or a 'what I ate today' blog; it's a good old-fashioned diary into my day, my thoughts, my ideas, my plans and most likely what I ate and what I wore.

Self discovery involves some certainties. This is what I know.